Drunken Dining

One of the best things I’ve read all week – I can’t possibly top this fine reporting at The Onion:- Phantom Diner Appears Only To Those In Their Drunkest Hour

Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger

Apologies to all, for having missed the opportunity to post on the anniversary of Jim Morrison’s death 9 days ago. I’ve been battling some evil demons in Wan Chai over the last 6 weeks, and am finally starting to draw some sober breaths today. Now if only I can find that wagon, I fear it has left without me.

Anyway, back to Mr Mojo Rising. Morrison was more than a poet, songwriter and a performer. He was a very fine drunk. Classic line kids if you haven’t heard it – What is the difference was between a drunk and an alcoholic, Just grin and reply, “us drunks don’t have to go to meetings.”

Avoiding Liver Damage (according to an amatuer)

Got this piece of spam from a well meaning friend yesterday. Advice to avoiding impairing one’s liver  according to this health-food nut. Most of these causes seem pretty retarded if you ask me, but I can’t imagine how they missed the big one?

The main causes of liver damage are:

1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver.

Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to ’schedule.’

Whiskey and 50

After a brutal campaign in Wan Chai this weekend, I was wondering why the hangovers seem to be getting worse. Could it be my age? After a hour googling the internet in an attempt to get some useful information on hangovers and the effect of booze on old men, I came across this quote from Faulkner and decided to do nothing.

There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn’t fool with booze until he’s fifty; then he’s a damn fool if he doesn’t.

Professor

Tip Lavishly at your Watering Hole

In Hong Kong, a tip is not always expected as a service charge is generally included.
However, this custom is certainly to be avoided when out on a bender, or at your favorite pub such as Amazonia in Wan Chai, Hong Kong.
Yes, this may seem obvious, but you would not be surprised at the number of cheap cretins that
think nothing of consuming a dozen or so Carlsburgs, buy a half-dozen Puta Margaritas, and leave nothing
for the hard-working servers!  Don’t be a doucebag – tip your waitress.

Lession 8. Life’s a Piece of Shit and that’s it

The professor has been on a very strict budget and is once again on the wagon. So what’s one to do when down and troubled and need a helping hand … YOUTUBE!! Tons of great stuff from Monty Python on YouTube. We recommend that your top “to-do” for today at work is to whistle the song “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” as your enter and exit any meeting.

Lesson 7. Learn a quote from the Good Book

Every once in a while, someone comes along and thinks you need saving. Perhaps its your shabby look, that smell of booze leaking out of your pores from last nights bender – and some do-gooder decides what you need is more religion. I’ve found that there are plenty of Bible verses that are suitable for drunks like us. Here’s one that they never quote you:

Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. Proverbs 31:06-07

Listen to Bo Diddley – Trust No One

Many of us heard this week of the passing of Bo Diddley. After months of failing health, guitarist Bo Diddley died at age 79 on Monday. In addition to being a Rock N Roll legend, Bo gave us a heap of good advice. One of our favorites, is particularly useful as we build our book of Life’s Lessons. Bo tells us “Don’t trust nobody but your mama. And even then, look at her real good.”

Coping with Inflation

If you were like me this week,and was horrified at the prices at your local Wellcome, welcome to the inflationary new world! I’m not sure how many of you are coping – but for today’s inspirational word, let me leave you with a quote Randy Bungga gave me over a pint at McSorleys:

“It’s easy to halve the potato where there’s love.” Dr Randy claims it’s an old Irish proverb.

How to Win Friends

In actual fact, nobody really cares or thinks about anything but themselves. Just about everyone you deal with – at work, at school, or in the shopping mall – is just as self-absorbed as you!!!

So, if you want people to like you, respect you, or even shag you, just remember this: It’s not about you. It’s about them. Always, all the time, and forever, it’s about them. Do not ever (and I mean ever), talk about yourself, your dogs, or what inane TV show you watched last night.

Would you like to make friends with someone? Attract more members of the opposite sex? Be more liked by your boss? Ask them how their health is! They will talk for hours about their problems. Aching backs, migraines, haemorrhoids, high blood pressure…the list never ends. Surveys by the esteemed Dr. Randy Bungga have shown that 8 out of 11 people think they are suffering more than anyone they know, and 3 out of the 11 think they have an incurable disease.

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth

This is my little blog about life, and the things I learned along the way. I was once in a very dark place – no happiness, no joy, no love, – and how I was able to pick myself up and create a wonderful, special and fulfilling life. My only goal now is to spread the word…teach others what I’ve learned before I leave this glorious and wonderful planet, and maybe, just maybe, get a chance to share it with Oprah … or at least at AA.